Take These Chances To Turn It Around
by Nighthawk-Moonshadow
Summary: Perry returns to Sacred Heart after five years to try and tie up loose ends. The problem is, those ends don't seem to want to stay tied down. Future takes place approx. "Season 9". JD/Cox
1. Chapter 1

Perry let the answering machine pick up.

"Hey there Per-Bear. It's your former ball and chain again. Calling to let you know that Bob Kelso died this morning."

He sat up, twisted awkwardly on the couch to look behind himself at the phone. _He wha-_

"Yeah, real shocker there, I know. You always said he was going to live forever; something about being the Anti-Christ. Anyway, his wife invited most of the hospital staff to the wake and funeral, and she told me to ask you to come, god knows why; maybe she's blind, deaf and dumb, because your relationship with her husband has never exactly been peachy keen."

He had to agree with her there.

"So since you were supposed to take Jack this weekend, I figure that if you're coming, you're welcome to the guest bedroom. Chris is out of town, but I doubt he'll mind you staying over. Give me a call back when you've decided if you'll grace us with your presence. And Jack says hi, and that he wants to show you the model dinosaur he built."

Perry rubbed his face tiredly with his hand as the answering machine beeped off, leaving the small apartment humming with silence. Jordan's voice coming over the machine was bad enough, but the situation it described to him was even worse.

Five years… god, had it really been that long? He hadn't walked down the halls of Sacred Heart in five years; hadn't breathed the scent of the janitor's cleaning products, or watched Carla and Laverne yapping about the latest hospital gossip behind the nurse's station, or even…

It had been a long time.

The years had done things to Perry Cox. His fiery read hair was peppered and streaked with gray and white; dyeing it was not on his agenda. He'd lost a lot of the tone and fit look of his body, though he still looked better than any forty-nine year old man he knew.

_At least my body looks good_, he thought bitterly, taking a sip of the wine glass that had been on the table next to him (his doctor had forbade him from hard liquor for a while, telling him that he'd dissolve his liver before his fiftieth birthday if he continued to drink that way. If Perry hadn't been a doctor himself, he might've flipped the man off and gotten drunk to spite him. As it was, he'd only done the first thing.) _The rest of my life isn't in as good of shape._

He'd moved down to a more southern area of California after leaving Sacred Heart, joining up with another hospital desperate for more employees. They'd given him his old position almost immediately after his request; his credentials made him too important to lose.

And really, it wasn't too different from his life back at Sacred Heart. Same types of nurses, surgeons, intern- well, mostly everything was the same. Even a carbon copy of Bob Kelso for a boss.

The Bob Kelso that was now dead. Right.

Perry stared up at the whitewashed ceiling overhead and contemplated his options. He could ignore Jordan's message, pick Jack up and go driving up and down the coast with him all weekend. Or he could pack up his best black suit, drive over to Jordan's house, and attend the wake and funeral of the man he loathed.

The choice should have been an obvious one. But there was one thought that made him pick up the phone and dial Jordan's number to tell her to clear out the guest room.

And that was seeing JD again.

()

"_Dr. Cox. Dr. Cox? Pe-"_

"_You even __**think**__ about calling me Perry, Newbie, and you won't see what hit you. Now why-," he asked, smacking his fist on the countertop of the nurse's station and turning towards JD, "must you annoy me every time you have to perform a medically relevant procedure? My god, Newbie, I am not Ask Abby!"_

"_Sorry!" JD shuffled slightly, grasping a chart with one hand and a cup of coffee in the other. "I was just trying to give you this…" he held the cup out imploringly. "You did tell me to get you some caffeine before you decided to wring my neck, right?"_

_Perry raised a brow before nodding and yanking the cup away. He watched JD over the rim of the cup as he brought it to his lips, noting how the other man repeated his usual habit of waiting to see if he'd gotten the cream to sugar ratio right. Of course, JD had, being that this must've been the ten-thousandth cup of coffee he'd brought Perry._

_Perry gave a nod and grunt of approval, taking another sip and recognizing the combination of vanilla and hazelnut that JD had specially ordered for him. "Tell me, kid; why is it that you're a doctor and not a barista?"_

_JD's face lit up in a grin, recognizing the hidden compliment of his attention to detail. He suddenly got a blank look; one Perry recognized immediately as his 'JD daydreaming' look, and he had to snap his fingers in front of JD's face to get his attention back._

_The younger man gave him a sheepish smile. "Would I look good in an apron and French beret?"_

_The image of JD wearing nothing but said items suddenly decided to pop itself into Perry's head, and he forced it away immediately, shocked that his mind would conjure such a picture for him. Where had that come from?_

_JD was apparently oblivious to Perry's shock, as he was still gazing at the man in a pleased, yet curious fashion. Biting back a gulp, Perry grit out, "Whatever gets you through the day, Sherry. Now scoot, you have a job to do."_

_He watched the younger man flit away, chasing down the hall after Turk for some godforsaken reason that Perry __**really**__ wasn't interested in. Except maybe he was a little pissed that the kid hadn't even said goodbye before galloping off. Maybe._

()

If ever there was a cliché, it was rain during a funeral.

_Well_, Perry mused, gripping the steering wheel and turning it to the left as he changed highway lanes, _technically it's not the big day yet, but it's pretty damn close_.

The rain-soaked highway lanes were surprisingly bereft of traffic, and with little need to watch for crazy drivers, Perry had time to think. The route he was taking would get him back to the city in an hour or so. He'd head to Jordan's apartment, drop off his stuff, say hi to Jack and the babysitter, and then go with Jordan to the funeral parlor for Kelso's wake.

He noted the topless bobbling hula girl on his dashboard, and reminded himself to remove it if he was going to have Jack in the car. God knows he didn't need the kid taking after him with those traits _just_ yet.

There was a box on the shotgun seat, a shoebox brimming with loose papers and other things sticking out. Perry's eyes flicked to a familiar photo strop nudging its way out of the overstuffed container. Growling as he realized what it was, he smacked a fist on top of the box to try and keep it closed.

The effect was the exact opposite of what he had hoped. The lid fell off and scattered several things onto the seat, papers catching on the air and sailing to the floor of the car. Perry cursed and slowed the car, pulling over to the side and stopping at the edge of the road.

He shifted to park, keeping the engine on, and reached over the gearshift to pick the papers up and pile them back in the box. Again, that photo strip was peering up at him, taunting him. He reached out slowly, gripping the edge and turning it over to look at the other side.

It was one of those small black and white strips that you could get from photo booths. He remembered the day JD dragged him into one like it was yesterday…

()

"_Come on Perry, pleeeaaase?"_

"_Newbie, what makes you think that I'm going to get into a cramped booth with you to take tiny, useless photos that you only want as proof that I actually went somewhere willingly with you?"_

_Perry thought he heard JD mumble something like "barely willing" under his breath, but chose to ignore it. It was true that Perry had agreed to go with JD into the mall that day; for some reason, the kid thought that Perry was good at shopping for tuxedos, and JD wanted to look perfect for the extremely fancy restaurant he was taking his current girlfriend to that night._

_Perry had only agreed because JD had promised to buy him lunch. And that was the _only_ reason. He would never admit that he'd been less annoyed and more eager at the chance to spend a day outside of the hospital with the kid._

_And there were those goddamned puppy eyes that Newbie always had…_

_Perry cursed under his breath before grunting out, "one strip." JD's face lit up instantly, twisting a feeling in Perry's chest that he beat back down as JD grabbed him by the arm and pulled him towards the booth in a small, cooped corner of the mall._

_He and JD squeezed into the booth, thighs and shoulders pressing against each other as they attempted to fit on the bench inside. Perry's stomach flopped at the close body contact, warning him to the situation._

'_It's only for a few minutes,' he thought to himself, glancing over at JD, who was reading the small screen in front of them that told them how to operate the booth._

"_So we can get ten pictures for two dollars; just gotta put some cash in…" JD reached between them to grasp at the pocket of his jeans, and Perry again had to scold his body for the slight shudder that ran through it when JD's arm skirted against his side. JD muttered a quick apology, opening his wallet and pulling out the cash, not noticing that Perry didn't seem to want an apology at all._

_What was wrong with him? Why was he acting like this? Being in this close of proximity to the other man was driving him insane; it had been happening for the past few months now. Perry would get up in JD's face to berate him and then have to subtly back away slightly, realizing the… tension of sorts between them. It wasn't bad tension; at least, Perry was pretty sure it wasn't. It was just… different._

_And how had he been stupid enough to agree to something like this? Where had his mind gone? This was the worst idea he'd had in ages, and he was just about to tell JD that he could shove his pictures 'where the sun don't shine,' when a beep came from the booth._

"_Okay," said JD, sitting back and looking over at him with a goofy grin. "It should start in a few moments." Perry stared back weakly, unable to tear his gaze from the dark depths of JD's pupils; he was swimming in them, drowning in an ocean of his Newbie…_

"_Perry? What's wrong? Why are you giving me that look?"_

_The photo booth clicked on, and the first image was of JD and Perry gazing at each other; one face concerned, the other unsure._

_The second had Perry reaching his hands out towards JD's shoulders, with JD's eyes flickering down to look at them in shock._

_The third was taken as Perry was leaning towards JD, hands already firm on the other man's shoulders. If it had been able to capture sound, it might've caught the shuddering, "P-Perry…" that fell from JD's lips, so full of apprehension and fear that Perry almost stopped._

_Almost._

_The fourth picture showed a wide eyed JD and a close-eyed Perry, their lips joining in the middle of the frame._

_In the fifth picture, JD's face had melted into an expression of dreamy lust and satisfaction as Perry pushed him towards the side of the booth._

_All of the other pictures were of their various stages of kissing; from JD's tongue against Perry's mouth, to the tug of Perry's teeth on JD's lower lip._

_Perry really kind of wished they'd put more money for picture time in the booth, especially to capture their sweat-soaked faces after JD had jerked him off inside of it._


	2. Chapter 2

The apartment door swung open to reveal the visage of eight-year-old Jack Cox gripping a game boy in one hand and a banana in the other.

"Hi dad!" the boy chirped, staring up at Perry with a cheery grin. It was easy to see the similarities between father and son; Jack was developing his father's red hair, but it was straighter and flatter like his mother's. His face was covered in small freckles, and he had a pudgy nose like Perry's.

"You're early! Mommy said that you wouldn't be here until four!"

Perry squatted down, suit folds falling behind his legs as he grinned at his son. "Mommy underestimates my driving abilities. I got here extra fast so I could spend a little more time with you before we have to leave. Can you go get her for me?"

Jack nodded and rushed off as Perry stood, gripping his travel bag in one hand and the shoebox under the other arm. He stepped inside the apartment and kicked the door shut behind him, glancing around the room.

Jordan and her new husband, Chris, had taken Perry's nihilistic-like apartment and transformed it into a homier little place; they'd pulled up the carpet to expose the floorboards underneath, and gotten stuffed blue couches and a teak-wood coffee table to sit between them. There were little knickknacks all around and a general sense of the place being _lived in_, unlike how it had been when Perry had occupied it. Jordan had destroyed his wet bar; informing him that she wasn't going to let Jack be the alcoholic, self-hating bastard he'd turned himself into.

Frankly, Perry agreed with her.

Perry glanced over from looking at the pictures on the fireplace mantle to see Jordan coming out of the bedroom, fixing one of her earrings. Jack was towing along behind her, face down into his game boy. "You're earlier than I expected, Per. Traffic okay?"

He nodded, stepping over to give her a cordial hug. They'd never quite been at ease around one another since he'd left, but were always civil in front of their son and still cared a little about one another.

"How's it been with you?" he asked as they broke apart.

Jordan shrugged and moved to a mirror hanging on the wall, using it to check out her appearance. "Same as always. Chris is on a business trip, and he's fine with you staying here; even says to say hi."

Perry maintained about the same civility to Jordan's new husband as he did to Jordan. The other man seemed to understand Perry's desire to be in Jack's life, and didn't resist it; he just went with the flow. Perry had been satisfied with Jordan's choice for a new husband, and they all managed to get on well.

Perry felt a tug on his shirt and looked to the right to see Jack holding a plastic model dinosaur up for his inspection.

"See?" Jack said, pointing a finger at the teeth in the T-Rex's mouth. "I glued them all in by myself!"

"Nice work, Jacky," Perry said, ruffling his hair and giving him a small smile. "I bet they're all jealous of you in art class." He got a rapid head nod in response, and Jack shuffled away to put the model back in his room.

"So, want to put your stuff in the guest room?"

Perry nodded at Jordan and picked up the travel bag from where he'd dropped it on the floor before, following her into a small side room that held a neatly made bed and a few other furniture pieces. He tossed the bag haphazardly onto the bed (he'd already gotten dressed for the wake back at his apartment), and placed the shoebox on the dresser top. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Jordan quirking her eyebrow at him in the dresser mirror.

"What have you got there?"

"It's…" Perry hesitated and turned to glance at her, not really wanting to say. "It's just some things I need to return to someone; I took them when I left and never gave them back."

Recognition seemed to flit across Jordan's face, and she nodded.

"Well, our babysitter Katrina will be here in about ten minutes to take care of Jack, so you might want to grab him while you can." She gave him a slight smile as she walked out, seeming to say that she wouldn't press the issue and assuring him that it was okay.

Perry let out a whoosh of air and looked back down at the box. Discussing the contents inside with Jordan would not be a good idea. It would bring back too many painful memories and issues that he didn't want to deal with, and he didn't want to screw up the decent relationship they'd managed to set up.

His hands drifted over the shoebox lid, and before he knew what was happening, he had it off and was drifting his fingers over the contents. He stopped on a movie ticket stub in the corner and lifted it up, realizing what exactly it was.

()

_It was turning out to be the worst week of Perry's life._

_Jordan and he had gotten into another horrible argument; she was yelling about how often they actually spent time together, and he was berating her for thinking he could up and drop all of his obligations to do things with her all the time. He'd been sleeping on the couch for the past two days, the air of the household filled with tension._

_Then there was the fact that he'd been having a horrible streak of coding patients; he'd lost three people in the past seven days. They'd all only had about a fifty-fifty shot of survival, but he'd be damned if it wasn't tearing him up badly inside. With nobody to go home to and vent at, he was bottling everything up._

_Finally, as if that weren't enough, and he just had to find one more way to screw up part of his life, __he'd made the horrible mistake of coming onto JD in the middle of a shopping mall. Perry had fled the photo booth after their little 'incident', and had been carefully avoiding the kid in the hospital however he could: making sure to have different shifts, ducking down hallways whenever JD came into view; basically being a cowardly bastard._

_Not that he'd ever admit to anyone but himself._

_Perry had also been agonizing over what he had done. It wasn't right; he'd cheated on Jordan, he'd fucked up his relationship with JD, and now he was afraid that he'd never be able to face the kid. He, the 'great' Perry Cox, was afraid of a scrawny little hang-on leech like JD._

_Yeah, he'd done just a 'fabulous' job there, really 'amazing' effort on his part._

_**Crap, I'm an idiot.**_

_Going to the movies was a way for Perry to relax. The latest action flick and a giant bucket of popcorn were what he needed to unwind, and it would free up his mind to do some hard thinking. So Perry had driven to the ten-thirty showing alone and sat in the back of the theatre, waiting for the movie to begin._

_Just as Perry was about to pop the first handful of greasy, buttered, artery clogging snack-food into his mouth, he glanced to the entry door and drew in a strangled gasp._

_JD was standing at the doorway, looking around inside the theatre for a seat. It was mostly deserted, with only a few people closer to the front. When he caught sight of Perry, his eyes widened in shock, apprehension and fear seeming to radiate out of him. Surprisingly, however, he didn't come over, and Perry watched him shuffle over to the seats on the right, and settle in the middle of a row three ahead of Perry's._

_Perry's body filled with relief; JD wasn't going to try and confront him here about what had happened. Still, he could see the kid glancing at him every once in a while, so Perry kept his sight off of JD while the lights were on, wanting the other man to not feel awkward and hoping he'd ignore Perry for the course of the movie._

_The lights dimmed, and the pre-movie commercials began playing. Perry munched on his popcorn, finding it harder and harder to stop watching JD's dark form across from him. He was still wondering exactly _why _JD wasn't trying to talk to him about the incident; it just didn't seem like a JD 'thing' to do. Perry would've thought he'd be yelping at him like a freaked-out gerbil, trying to wheedle answers out of him._

_And now Perry was getting antsy. These thoughts were distracting him from the movie. _

_Damn that kid, how could he be sitting there, so calm, when there was this giant 'thing' between them; huge enough to fill the entire theatre! It wasn't right; something was off. And it was driving Perry crazy. He needed to know __**why.**_

_Finally, Perry stood and grabbed his popcorn, shuffling out of the back row and moving stealthily down the aisle._

_JD let out a loud yelp when Perry plopped down in the seat next to him and several people looked back at them, giving them dirty looks. Perry rolled his eyes and ignored them, turning to look at a wide-eyed JD, his expression partially hidden by the dimness of the theatre._

"_We need to talk."_

_JD let out a gulp, staring up at him with that naïve look that plucked at Perry's heartstrings again. "W-what about?" he whispered, and Perry could tell that he was trying to put on an innocent act. Well it wasn't going to work, and the kid should've damn well known that._

"_You know what; that little photo booth disaster from last week."_

"_I… I don't know what you mean!" JD squeaked._

_Perry was momentarily stunned; since when did JD not want to talk about something? He stared down at the kid, finally noticing the desperate look JD wore on his face._

_And then Perry realized something that shocked him; JD really _didn't_ want to talk about what had happened. Maybe the kid really did want to forget what had happened; maybe he was scared of what it meant, the same way that Perry was._

_It was something he'd never considered before; that JD might not want to understand what had gone on between them, might want to chalk it up to something random that would never take place again._

_Perry pulled back from JD, sitting up and looking back at the movie screen. "Never mind then."_

_JD seemed hesitant at his reaction, but in a few moments had sat back up and had his eyes on the screen as well._

_Perry thought he'd be filled with the same relief that had come to him before when JD hadn't chosen to confront him. But there wasn't relief, and he realized that maybe he __**did**__ want to understand what was going on._

_Truthfully, what they'd done in that booth __**had**__ scared him. But it wasn't enough to make him wish to be ignorant of whatever was happening between JD and himself._

_Perry looked back over at JD, waiting for the younger man to realize he was being stared at. Finally, JD turned his head to look back at Perry, who felt a surge of guilt when he saw the fear in JD's eyes; fear that Perry knew __**he**__ had put there._

"_JD," he said, voice softer and less threatening than before, "what's going on with us?"_

"_I don't know," JD admitted, chewing on his lip and glancing to the side. "I… I didn't want you to hate me even more than you do, so I didn't try and bother you about it."_

"_I don't hate you, Newbie." JD looked back up at him, surprised expression evident even in the darkness. "And maybe you should've bothered me about it."_

_Before JD could say anything, Perry had leaned over and caught his mouth in a kiss, pressing him back against the armrest of his seat. He heard the younger man's sharp intake of breath, and felt his hands grasp onto Perry's shoulders tightly, as if the older man was a lifeline in whatever insanity they were falling into._

_Perry held onto JD's waist, deepening their lip lock and gaining entrance to JD's mouth with his tongue. __**Oh god**__, Perry thought, pulling the other man out of his seat and into his own lap, __**what have I gotten us into?**_

_But then JD was pressed up against him, sliding against his groin, and Perry didn't care to have his question answered._

()

The drive to the funeral parlor was unsurprisingly quiet. They'd taken Jordan's little Honda, heading back onto the deserted highways and toward their destination. Perry glanced out the side window, watching the trees being whipped by the wind as droplets pounded against the glass.

"You didn't take the box with us?"

He glanced over at Jordan, who had her eyes trained on the road. The question was presented casually, even though there were tense implications lying beneath.

"I'm not going to do it there; I figure maybe I'll take him for a drink and do it."

Perry watched her nod slowly and looked away again, suddenly wishing he _had_ brought the box; he was worried now about whether going out somewhere with JD would be the best idea in the world.

"You could always bring him by the apartment and do it."

He tried to not whip his head over to look back at her in shock. Jordan was offering Perry an out… a chance to do what he needed to in a place where he knew nothing would take place between himself and JD.

"…it's okay; thanks for the offer though."

Jordan shrugged, and Perry groaned internally, cursing himself for finding it so easy to sabotage his own best intentions.

()

_Perry had a momentary panic attack when he left the theatre with JD and realized that Jordan was at home in his apartment._

_Apparently, though, JD had sensed what he was thinking. "Carla and Turk are gone for the night to a friend's," he said, touching Perry on the shoulder gently. "We could…"_

_Perry nodded quickly, causing JD's face to light up. "We're taking your scooter."_

_Now JD looked confused._

"_I- my car shouldn't be showing up in front of your apartment this late at night, should it?"_

_JD nodded quickly, and Perry almost felt his arm ripped out of his socket as he was pulled over to the tiny blue __**thing**__ that was JD's transportation. He gave a little annoyed grunt when JD sat on it and patted the seat behind him, but took the proffered helmet and sat. He gripped his hands onto JD's waist and attempted to keep them from straying anywhere; they did need to get home without the kid crashing, after all._

_In ten minutes they were back at the apartment, and JD pulled Perry inside by the collar of his shirt, drawing him into a breathless kiss. They reversed positions, and it was Perry who pressed JD back against the wall, planting kisses down the younger man's throat that left him moaning._

_Somehow, they managed to not crash into the couch, and made it into the bedroom. Perry pushed JD back as the younger man's calves hit the bed, causing him to fall on top of it, panting and staring up at Perry in a way that made his breath catch in his throat._

_He knelt on the floor, watching JD's eyes widen, and tugged at the younger man's belt, hands straying over the buckle. "Perry, you-" JD started, but Perry interrupted him._

"_Newbie, for once in your life, zip it."_

_JD finally gave a tentative nod, and Perry finished undoing the belt. He popped open the button on the fly and unzipped it, dragging his fingers under the waistband of both boxers and pants to draw them down to JD's ankles._

_Perry heard JD suck in a breath as the cool night air hit his erection, and gazed up to see lustful, slightly nervous pupils meeting his own._

"_You're a newbie at this too, aren't you?" JD nodded slowly, suddenly looking ashamed. Perry thought he really didn't have anything to look ashamed __**about**__; it wasn't like Perry was an expert at this. He'd only done it a few times, and was starting to feel traces of his own nervousness. Still, the kid was looking like he needed some encouragement._

_JD had gone silent, gazing off to the side; face not lost in daydream, but in anxiety. Perry reached up and grasped his chin._

"_Hey," - he turned JD's face towards him. "We'll take it slow, okay? Just follow my lead and it'll be fine."_

_However new the situation, there was something oddly familiar about it. Perry finally realized what it was later when JD was sleeping exhaustedly against his chest; he needed merely to assure Newbie that everything would be alright, and JD would believe him. _

_Perry had his complete trust._

_He would be damned if he ever lost it._


	3. Chapter 3

The funeral parlor was a quiet little place, holding a few viewing rooms filled with masses of people in black. Perry scanned the crowd entering the building, looking for familiar faces. Oddly enough, the janitor was the first recognizable face that popped into view. The man's gaze caught his own, and he gave Perry a nod of greeting; Perry returned it before following Jordan inside.

They were directed to a viewing room off to the side. Jordan greeted an elderly woman wearing a beaded black veil in the doorway, and Perry, remembering the photos on Kelso's office desk, realized it was the widow herself, Enid.

"Perry Cox," she greeted him, shaking his hand firmly. She was tall and lanky, curled white hair hidden under the hairpiece of the veil, blue eyes dulled grey from what must've been her grief.

"I'm so glad you came. Robert always told me to make sure you came to his funeral. I haven't the faintest clue why, but maybe you do." She gave a heavy shrug and sighed. "Please stay as long as you need to, and you're both invited to the funeral mass and burial, of course."

In the back of his mind, Perry was trying to formulate reasons why the _hell_ Kelso would insist on him being at the funeral, but to Enid, he only gave a nod, and steered Jordan away before they got into any conversations.

"Perry, hand off the arm."

"Sorry, I just…"

He really didn't want to admit that he was keeping close to Jordan as an excuse to not have to talk to anyone else. He didn't know what would happen if he was questioned about his abrupt departure from Sacred Heart; it was a train of thought he didn't want to be interrogated on at the moment.

Jordan seemed to sense his tension, and Perry cursed her ability to do so as she pushed him up towards the open casket. "You've avoided them for five years; enough is enough," she muttered to him as she pressed him out of the crowd and drew away, leaving him alone by the casket.

No one was waiting to view the body, so Perry stepped up and looked down onto his former boss's face.

If it hadn't been inappropriate, Perry would've grinned; even in death, Kelso still wore a scowl, albeit lighter than his usual one. And if Perry didn't know better… he would've _sworn_ the scowl had darkened when he walked up to the coffin.

_Maybe he's not dead, and invited me to scare the shit out of me as revenge_.

Perry looked to both sides for a moment before glancing back down at the coffin. He reached over the side and placed a finger lightly on the top of Kelso's hand.

It was stone cold. Kelso really had bit the dust.

Perry drew his arm back, feeling a slight bit of sadness for the first time. True, Kelso had been an incorrigible, greedy, capitalistic-minded bastard, but Perry had felt at least a small amount of respect for him; the man had shown he was capable of doing good things every once in a while.

_Rest in peace there, Bobo_, Perry thought to himself as he drew back, turning to go find Jordan.

And then he was met with a close up view of JD's face.

After his heart started beating again, Perry stepped back to put more distance between them.

"Hello, Perry," JD said as the other man gave him a once over. "I was wondering if you were coming."

JD looked like an _adult_. It shocked Perry, staring at the same man, who only a few years before had seemed like a naïve puppy. His hair was no longer thick with god-awful hair gel; it held no product and fell to the sides of JD's head in waves, cropped shorter into a respectable, tidy cut. There were gray hairs among the mass, and noticeable lightening at the fringes beside his ears. He was still tall and skinny, but less lanky, with noticeable muscle tone. The way he carried himself was different too. There was an air of wisdom in his expression that hadn't been there when Perry had left.

"Wouldn't miss this," Perry finally said after getting over the shock and pushing away the panic welling up inside of him. "One last chance to give Kelso a piece of my mind? You know me better than that Ne- JD." He really couldn't call the guy a newbie anymore, could he?

The slip-up was quick, but JD caught it, chuckling in response.

Perry frowned slightly. Chuckling? JD didn't… chuckle. He _giggled_. But no, this was definitely a chuckle.

"I'm not a newbie anymore," JD said, continuing their light banter. "Hell, only a few people like Turk and Carla call me JD around the hospital; everybody else uses 'Doctor Dorian.'"

Perry gave him a nod. "So how has the hospital been, Dr. Dorian?"

"Not much has changed." Perry beat back the twinge in his chest that hit when JD didn't correct Perry's use of his last name. Damn it, they… had they really lost that much of the closeness between them? "I want to pay my last respects, do you mind if I…?"

"Oh, yeah." Perry stepped to the side. "Go ahead."

They nodded at each other, and Perry moved back into the crowd.

When he found Jordan in the back row of seats, he sat down next to her silently, thoughts clouding his mind as he brooded. She seemed to sense his mood, because she didn't talk to him or push him for answers as to why he'd just taken so long.

So, his first meeting with JD, and the coldness between them had felt deadly. Perry was already sick of the words 'Doctor Dorian' forming on his tongue; they were unnatural and didn't suit the JD he knew and…liked.

_He's not that JD anymore though_, Perry thought, feelings of sadness needling their way into his chest. _I should've realized that before I came._

()

_Five months into his secret relationship with JD, Perry made the biggest fuckup of his life._

_It had been at the end of a particularly steamy night of sex at his apartment; Jordan was out of town for the weekend at her mother's house, giving them ample time to themselves. They'd spent most of the evening trying out new things and experimenting, and he'd learned some of the most pleasurable maneuvers ever created (and also ones that he would __**never**__ be doing again)._

_They were coming to their newest climax now, JD leaning up against the headboard as Perry pounded into him mercilessly. Both men were soaked in sweat and panting harshly, seemingly lost in the ecstasy of the moment._

_Finally, JD let out a cry and sagged back, semen splattering against Perry's stomach. Perry followed soon after, gasping out as he emptied himself into the younger man below._

_Perry collapsed his body on top of JD's, burying his face into the other man's shoulder as he tried to pull his brain out of the dreamy haze it was in. God, everything was beautiful about this moment, and he would be frozen in it for eternity if he could._

_Pulling his face up, he looked over at JD, who had his head lying back against the pillow, eyes closed as he attempted to catch his breath. The sight of the younger man's face made Perry's brain flood with a mirth of emotions, and before he knew it, words were slipping out of his mouth._

"_I love you so fucking much."_

_Both men froze when they realized what Perry had said. JD's eyes popped open, and he swiveled his head to look at the other man, jaw hanging open in shock._

_Perry, meanwhile, was about to hyperventilate, and his body started going into panic mode, urging him to flee, flee, run away! Oh god, he'd fucked up so badly; this wasn't supposed to happen!_

"_You… you what?"_

"_I-I…"_

_**Speak Perry! Think of something you idiot! **__How had this happened? He couldn't be in love with Newbie; he had a wife (okay, ex-wife) and kid at home! This was madness! It just couldn't be…_

"_Oh fuck it," he said, dropping his head back to rest on JD's shoulder. "I fucking love you, god knows why."_

_There was silence for a moment, and then JD's chest started vibrating with laughter. _

_Perry growled against the man's skin. "So you think that's funny?" He swung his head up to glare at JD, but his expression melted into one of shock moments later._

_Tears were streaming down the other man's face; he was truly hysterical, and seemed like he was about to snap. Perry jumped slightly as JD suddenly wrapped his arms around the other man's chest, burying his face into Perry's shoulder._

"…_J-JD?"_

_Now the younger man was shuddering beneath him. "JD, what the hell is wrong?" Perry shouted, trying to keep the note of panic out of his voice_

"_I never thought you would say it!"_

_JD looked up at him, heart-wrenching joy splayed on his face through the tears. "You don't know how fucking happy you just made me."_

_Perry waited for JD to calm down, and when his eyes had finally dried, the older man leaned over and pressed his lips to JD's in a soft kiss. "Apparently we're on the same wavelength," he mumbled against JD's lips. "I never thought I would either."_

()

Perry didn't see JD again until the burial two days later.

Either the younger man was avoiding him, or Perry was subconsciously trying to not notice him. He suspected the former, as every second that he'd been with the funeral party; he'd been attempting to catch the other man in his view.

He had run into Carla and Turk before the funeral. Carla had pulled him into a giant hug, muttering into his ear that if he thought he was going to disappear completely like he had before, that he had another thing coming to him.

It was times like these that Perry thanked god that Carla hadn't been able to persuade Jordan to tell them where he was living now.

Turk had shook his hand and then stepped away to let Carla do what she wanted to. Perry knew the other man was still mad at him for hurting JD, and he couldn't blame him. But Carla had been Perry's friend for a lot longer than the others, and felt no qualms about tearing into him right then and there.

"You are not leaving here without telling me your address and phone number," she said, staring at him with a gaze that said 'just try and defy me.' "Do you realize how much _some_ people around here have missed you?" Perry had an idea that she wasn't just referring to herself.

"We'll see." Carla's expression got even darker, but the mass was starting, and Jordan came to get him to their seats.

"Thank me later," she muttered into his ear as they moved into the end of a pew. "But I don't think you can hold that woman off forever." Perry silently agreed, though he had been doing well at that for the last five years.

Kelso was buried in the same cemetery that Ben and the other Sullivans were in. Years after his divorce, Perry had found out that the two families had some relation to each other, and it was just one more reason for Perry to be grateful that he was no longer married to Jordan. Working under Kelso was bad enough; being related was some sick joke.

When the burial ceremony was over, Perry pulled away from the departing crowds to head over to Ben's tombstone. Jordan was still hurting from her brother's death after all this time, and refused to join him, so he stood in front of the grave marker alone, counting the areas where it had started to mold.

Maybe Perry wasn't healed more completely over Ben's death than Jordan, because the last time he'd been here had been for Ben's own burial. He remembered the haze he'd been in during the days after Ben's death; walking around like a dead man and hallucinating that his best friend was still alive. JD had been the one to finally break him out of the dream state and realize the reality of Ben's death…

It hit Perry like a hammer. He could still feel JD's hand on his shoulder as his heart broke open, tears running in waves down his face. They'd walked through the stones afterwards, having one of the deepest conversations he'd ever had with the other man in his life; somehow opening up to JD more than he thought he ever could…

And then he realized why Kelso had invited him to the funeral. It would force both he and JD into a situation where they had to interact, and that interaction might cause the rift between them to close.

Perry didn't think Kelso had done it because he really cared about them or their relationship. He really thought that the man had done it to make Perry feel uncomfortable and to get a last bit of revenge by disrupting his new life.

Whatever the reason had been, it had obviously worked. Here he was now, after all, with old emotions welling up inside of his chest and memories forcing themselves into his brain

"Damn you, ya bastard," Perry croaked out, sinking to his knees in front of Ben's grave. "You couldn't let me be, could ya?"


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry for the delay guys, here's the next chapter!**

()

_Seven months into his secret relationship with JD, Perry really **did**__ make the biggest fuckup of his life._

_He'd been lazy, pulling JD into an empty patient room one day on the pretense of berating him about a patient's progress. Instead, he'd pressed the younger man up against a wall and proceeded to make work of turning him to a writhing mess of lust._

_In the middle of clothes being discarded and an excess of dry humping, both men heard the clearing of a throat by the door. Perry jumped and whirled around, stomach plummeting in his chest when he saw who it was._

_Jordan stood in the doorway, wearing a stunned look that Perry had rarely seen on her. Her face quickly morphed into anger, and Perry shied in front of JD unconsciously, as if trying to protect him from the woman's wrath._

"_What the __**hell**__ is going on here, Perry?"_

"_Jordan, let me explain, I-"_

"_Oh __**hell**__ no Perry!" she shouted, cutting him off. "I know what this is! That's it, I've had it; we are done! For good!" She whirled around and marched out the door, slamming it behind her._

_Perry felt a touch on his shoulder as he stared in horror at the doorway._

"_Perry?"_

_He turned to see a worried JD standing behind him, clutching his discarded scrub top against his chest._

"_No, Newbie," Perry choked out, stepping away. "Just… just go."_

"_But I-"_

"_Leave me ALONE!" Perry roared at JD, who shrank back slightly at his screams. The younger man dashed to grab his things and shoved the rest of his clothing back on before fleeing the room, glancing back at Perry in terror as he departed._

_Perry sank against the wall, pounding his forehead against it. God, what had he done? Jordan knew now… and he was scared that she would never forgive him for this._

_And what to do about JD? Well, obviously, their relationship had to end. It was the most logical thing; they'd both be ruined if word got out about what they had been doing. In fact, he wouldn't be surprised if it was already too late._

_But then memories of the past few months began swarming into his head, and he had to clench his face to keep from tearing up. He __**loved**__ Newbie, how could he give the man up? This wasn't right, it wasn't fair!_

_When he left the room, avoiding the stares from those who had seen three emotionally distraught people leaving the same place, he still hadn't figured out an answer._

()

Perry didn't know how long he had been kneeling in front of Ben's grave, but it must've been a while, because he no longer heard noise from the funeral party crowd. He might've stayed there forever if he hadn't felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Perry?"

Perry shut his eyes for a moment, cursing the voice he recognized. He couldn't deal with JD right now; he couldn't let the other man see him in this state.

Slowly he stood, keeping his eyes on the grave in front of him.

"Remember the last time we were here, JD?" he asked, and oh god, he shouldn't be talking about this; he was setting himself up for pain…

"Have you ever been back to visit?"

"No; could never bring myself to do it." He glanced over at JD, who was staring at the tombstone as well. "Maybe I'm trying to believe that he's still on safari somewhere."

"Listen, I…" JD paused, and then turned his eyes toward Perry. "I should be going; I'm supposed to head to Kelso's house for a memorial dinner or something." He nodded to Perry and turned away. "It was good seeing-"

"-do you want to go for a drink?" Perry interrupted, finally finding it in himself to say the words.

JD stopped and turned back, giving the other man a bewildered look. Perry returned it with a hard gaze.

"Are you serious?"

Perry nodded. "I have some… things to give you, and maybe we could…" What _could_ they do? He really had no idea. He didn't know where he was going with this anyway.

JD seemed to sense his anxiousness, and gave him a soft smile.

"Sure," he said. "I don't think there's any harm in it."

Perry wasn't sure he could agree, but despite the voice in his head telling him to run, there was something in his heart pulling more strongly for him to stay.

()

_After trying Jordan's cell phone for the hundredth time, Perry collapsed in the lounge onto the couch, burying his face into a pillow and letting out a frustrated groan._

"_Having trouble there, Perry?"_

"_Go away, Bobo," Perry growled, sitting up to see the other man seated at the round table in the corner._

_He hadn't noticed Kelso when he'd walked in; perhaps the man really was the devil and able to appear and vanish at will. In any case, Perry knew that the newspaper in front of Kelso would be less entertaining to him than the thought of taunting the other man._

"_I don't think you've got any right to be ordering me out of the lounge of the hospital I __**run**__, Perry," said Kelso, glancing up at him over the crossword puzzle. "This is a public room; if you want to have your private temper tantrum, do it somewhere else. Perhaps you could try one of the storage closets that you and Doctor Dorian frequent."_

_So word __**had**__ spread fast._

"_Don't try me, Kelso." Perry hopped over the side of the couch and stood across the table from the senior doctor. "I don't want to hear how I've 'disgraced the hospital with my actions' or some bullshit like that. And I r-he-eally could care less of what you think of me being with JD."_

"_Now Perry, where would you get the idea that I think there's anything wrong with you having a relationship with Doctor Dorian?"_

_Perry almost died of amazement. "Don't tell me that-"_

"_Dr. Cox, I may not like the idea of you using my medical facilities for a sexual playground, but it's not for me to judge who you choose to sleep with. Besides," he said, smirking, "it's not like you did anything __**shocking**__."_

"_So you don't…?" Perry drew out the chair in front of him and sat down, actually eager to hear what Kelso had to say for once in his life._

"_Maybe you should stop worrying about what __**other**__ people think of your relationship with JD, and start thinking about the two people involved in this little situation." Kelso stood up and folded his newspaper over. "You're a good doctor, Perry, but you're an idiot when it comes to figuring out relationships."_

_By the time Perry thought up a response, Kelso was halfway down the hall, and he had to scramble up and rush over to the doorway._

"_Well," he shouted at Kelso's disappearing form, "what makes you the expert on it?"_

"_I'm still married!"_

_There was no good comeback for that argument._

()

They went to a small bar that was unfamiliar to Perry, in a place in town he rarely visited. He doubted that JD visited it much either. It was a while from the other man's apartment, and Perry had a feeling that JD didn't want to stir up any old feelings from familiar places; of which, Perry was thankful.

Sasha was gone, replaced by a small blue sedan, respectable and average looking. Perry thought it suited JD horribly, but he didn't say anything; it wasn't his place to speak about it. Really, he didn't deserve to comment on JD's choices, after the ones he himself had made.

They found a booth in the back, and Perry got their drink orders, surprised to hear JD ask for a martini.

"No appletini?" Perry asked after placing the drinks down on the table. JD smiled and shook his head.

"I, uh, don't drink them too often anymore. Gotta grow up sometime I guess." He sipped the pale liquid, glancing down into it. "So, you said you had things for me?"

"Right."

Perry placed the shoebox on the table in between them. "I'm not sure what in here is yours; I stuffed it all in here back…" he paused, and then continued, "…before I left and I thought you might want some of it."

JD reached toward the box hesitantly and opened the lid, eyes widening when he saw some of the things inside. A time warp seemed to take place, as JD began examining the papers and small objects inside with curiosity, age melting away to restore some of the old Newbie that Perry once knew.

"Perry, I can't…" JD stood up abruptly. "I'm sorry, I can't do this; I should go." Then he strode away towards the door.

Perry jumped up and grabbed the box, following JD out into the parking lot. He grabbed the other man's arm roughly when he caught up to him, swinging JD around to face him.

"You think this is easy for me?" Perry asked, eyes ablaze and pushing the box against JD's chest. "I'm only asking you to help me with one more thing so I can move on!"

"Well maybe this isn't helping _me_ move on!" JD shouted back, stunning Perry into silence. "Yeah, didn't think about that, did you?" Perry watched him shuddering with anger, fists clenching and unclenching as he seemed to struggle for composure. "Where's _my_ peace! I want back what you took from me, Perry! I want back my heart!"

"I'm not keeping it from you!"

"Yes you are, you idiot," JD pressed a hand to his face, and for the first time, Perry saw the pain lancing across it. "I never got it back. Don't you get it? I'm still in love with you!"

Before Perry could respond, JD had fled to his car, and pulled out of the parking lot, speeding down the road and out of sight.

Perry clenched the box against his chest, and realized how fucked he was.

()

"_JD, I can't, I'm sorry."_

_"I love you, Perry! I fucking love you!"_

"_But I don't love you anymore."_

_Lies, all of it, and they both knew that._

"_Liar! You don't mean that!"_

"_I can't do this. I can't be a part of this."_

"_Perry, if you walk out that door…"_

"_I'm sorry Newbie."_

"_PERRY!"_

_The door slammed behind Perry as he fled._

_Both men cried that night, alone and heartbroken._


	5. Chapter 5

**(Oh god, I feel like SUCH a douchebag for forgetting to finish posting this. Here's the last chapter, hope you've enjoyed!)**

Perry really didn't know why he was standing there. When JD had confessed his continuing love to him at the bar, he should've just gone to Jordan's, picked up his things, and fled back to his new life.

Instead he was outside of JD's door, pounding his fist into the wood.

"Go away, Perry!" How- _damn peephole_, Perry thought, punching the door again. "I can't do this!"

"Open the door, Newbie, or so help me god, I will-" The door opened so fast that he almost punched JD in the face.

"What did you call me?" Perry saw a man breaking down before him, breathing heavily, eyes wide and filled with some sort of wonder. Still, it didn't keep him from lashing out at JD.

"What, are you offended? Am I not showing you _respect_?" Perry sneered. "Because frankly, you'll always be a newbie compared to me, so get used to it."

JD glared slightly. "So if I'm such a newbie, why did you leave? Why didn't you stay to teach me more?"

"We went over this a hundred-"

"No, Perry." JD folded his arms and stood firm in the doorway. "I want the truth. Why did you abandon me? How the _hell_ did that make things better for any of us?"

Perry growled, a lock in his mind snapping. "Fine, you want to know?" he spat out, shoving past JD into the apartment. He really didn't want to carry this conversation in the hallway, it's not like he was _interested_ in what JD's place looked like. However, he did take the time to note that it looked a lot less like a college dorm now, and more like a proper living space.

"Well?"

Perry turned and faced JD. "Did you ever stop to think that I was leaving not just for my sake, but for yours? And no, let me explain," he said, holding up a hand when JD started to speak. "Do you think that anybody would've respected you as a doctor if I had stayed? JD, you would've been seen as my little boy-toy; 'Dr. Cox's pet.' Everything you accomplished would have been seen as nothing more than the result of my coaching."

"But you _did_ teach me."

"There's a difference between being your mentor and being your boyfriend," Perry said with a sigh. "You were already an independent, competent doctor by the time we hooked up; but people wouldn't have seen you as such if they knew you always had me to fall back on."

"So you left for me. There was absolutely _no_ reason otherwise. That's bullshit."

"Of course that's not the only reason." Perry was staring very hard down at the side table by the couch, not wanting to meet JD's eyes for what he said next. "Truth be told… I was scared. I'd hurt you so badly; I thought you'd never forgive me. And I didn't want to be reminded every day of what I'd done to you by seeing you at work."

"You… idiot." Perry looked up to see JD leaning back against the shut door, staring at the ground. "I _loved_ you. If you had come back instead of running away without even saying goodbye, I would've forgiven you in a heartbeat."

"You don't mean that."

JD suddenly stepped forward, grabbing the lapels of Perry's jacket and pulling his face closer. "You better fucking believe I mean it!" And then JD pressed their lips together again for the first time in five years.

Memories of smells and tastes and the feeling of JD under him came rushing back to Perry's mind, and before he knew what he was doing, he'd pressed JD back against the wall, desperately ravishing the younger man's mouth while he lost the last of his control. JD let out a strangled moan and opened his mouth to Perry's waiting tongue, grasping the older man's shoulders with his fingers.

When they finally broke apart, Perry rested his forehead against JD's, panting for breath. "Okay," he gasped, "I think I believe you, JD."

"Call me Newbie."

Perry lifted his head, looking down at JD in confusion. "What?"

"Do you know how much I've missed you calling me that? Carla tried it once for a day to try and cheer me up; I ended up yelling at her and getting suspended for a week."

"You're kidding. No, you're not, are you?" Perry smirked slightly as JD's grin turned a little sheepish. "Alright then… Newbie?" JD was grinning, but something still didn't seem right to Perry. The entire situation was just… _off_.

JD pulled him back into another kiss, and Perry tried to get into it, gasping out an, "oh, Newbie," when the other man began kissing and gently biting up and down Perry's neck.

"Again," he heard JD moan, drawing up to press his lips back on Perry's. "I want it… need it… need to be your Newbie again…"

A jolt of realization hit Perry's mind, and he suddenly pulled away, gasping and wide eyed, holding JD away from him by the shoulders. "JD, you're-"

"Newbie, Perry, please!"

"JD-"

"New-"

"_JD_!" Perry shouted, shaking the other man's shoulders. "You're _not_ a newbie anymore! I _can't_ call you that; it doesn't feel right. You've changed; I've changed. It's been five years; I'm not the same person you fell in love with!"

Oh god, this wasn't happening. But JD _wasn't_ Newbie anymore. Perry didn't know _what_ he was.

"Yes you are!" JD shouted at him, now seeming to realize what Perry was saying. "We may have changed somewhat, Perry, but it doesn't mean that the things we found in each other to love are gone! I don't care what's changed; you're still _you_!"

But Perry wasn't listening; he couldn't think. He needed to get away; needed to figure out what was going on; where they were going, and maybe who he _was_ now.

He stepped back, leaving JD standing in the middle of his living room. "But I don't know if you're still the _you_ that I loved, and I need to figure that out."

Then he was gone, running out the door, JD's scream of frustration echoing behind him.

()

"_Jordan, I gave him up for you! For us!"_

"_I don't give a damn, Perry. You've fucked with my heart for the last time. One of us is moving out, because we're done."_

"_I just left him to get you back; I'm not losing you now!"_

"_Well tough luck. You don't love me, Perry. You haven't for ages. And if you loved him, you're an asshole for kicking him to the curb for __**me**__."_

_She slammed the door behind her, and the finality of it all set in on Perry._

()

It was raining again; the clouds that had cleared up right after the wake were back again, pouring buckets of water down onto the city as Perry ran, splashing down the streets en route to the cemetery.

Any plans of entrance were cut off, however, when he got to the gates and saw that they were locked tight.

"Open the hell up!" Perry shouted, banging on the metal bars before sagging against them.

He needed to get inside; needed to find Kelso's grave again, dig the man up, and beat the shit out of his dead corpse for doing this to Perry. He'd lost his mind; everything he'd worked for over the past five years was ruined.

All the pain he'd pushed away had flooded back. All the memories of JD's desperate phone calls, begging him to come back, were fresh in his mind. At least the shoebox was gone; he'd left it at JD's apartment. But getting rid of that had come with the cost of everything else coming to the surface.

And on top of that, new pain was flooding in from having to flee JD's apartment tonight. New memories were filled with JD's shouts as Perry ran away again, as cowardly and afraid as the last time.

_God, I haven't changed at all; I'm still a horrible bastard who lets his fear overpower him_.

Perry sank to the ground, staring up into the rain and cursing himself for doing this _again_; for making the same mistakes as last time. Nothing changed; even if he was older, he was still in essence the same crabby bastard who had first walked into Sacred Heart almost twenty years ago.

And then he realized something. If he was the same, then why would JD not be?

It was such a simple answer; it couldn't be the truth. Could it?

Perry looked back and compared the JD he'd known over the past few days to the one he'd known in the past. They were both overly optimistic, caring, and not completely sure of themselves.

The JD of today was a little wiser and a little more jaded, but the carefree, fun-loving attitude was still hidden there; Perry would bet his life that despite the professional haircut and "Doctor Dorian" title, JD was still the man who would chest-bump Turk after a successful surgery, share musical tastes with Elliot, and keep an intense rivalry with the Janitor.

Suddenly, Perry didn't want to be in front of this cemetery anymore. He wasn't living in the past; he was living in the present, and the present was waiting for him to step up. So he stood and ran back down the street, hoping that JD could forgive him one more time.

()

_He hadn't really forgotten to give the things back to JD that were in the shoebox. He wanted that last connection, so that maybe someday, someday…_

()

"JD!"

Perry had been pounding on the door for a good ten minutes now, and there was still no response. He was amazed that none of the neighbors had come out into the hall to yell at him. It wouldn't have dissuaded him; he would break down the door soon if he had to.

"JD, I'm going to break this door down; please listen to me!"

Still no answer. Perry slammed his fist onto the wood and rested his forehead on it, biting down on his lip to keep from screaming in frustration. He needed to get in there; he couldn't let any more time pass, or he feared that JD would never give him another chance.

Well, if JD wasn't going to let him in to speak, he'd do it in the hall.

"JD… you're not a newbie anymore. You're not!" he shouted through the door, eyes shut in concentration. "I can't call you that anymore, because that name isn't worthy of the respect you deserve! And… you were right. You're not exactly the same person, and neither am I. But I don't want to be with the old JD, because I'm not the old Perry. I'd rather find out what the new JD is like, because he _is_ who I love, no matter what little things have changed."

Perry listened for a sound, anything telling him if JD had heard what he'd said. His heart jumped at the sound of footsteps, and then the door was yanked out from under him, causing him to fall forward and collapse against the person who opened it.

Perry opened his eyes to see JD lying under him, looking up at him with a wondering adoration Perry had never seen before.

"I swear to god, if you're fucking with me, I'll never forgive you."

"I wouldn't blame you," Perry said, leaning down. He caught JD's mouth with his own, and twisted his fingers into the younger man's hair, pleasantly surprised at the lack of oily product in it. _One point to new JD_, he thought as the younger man wrapped his arms around Perry's waist and pulled him tight.

Later that night, with JD curled against his side and a feeling of peace finally filling his chest; Perry whispered his first genuine _thanks_ to Bob Kelso. He had a feeling that wherever Bobo was, the old man was gloating to the nearest person about this final one-upping of Perry. And truthfully, Perry didn't mind letting him have it.


End file.
